Chapter 1 – And So It Happened
Despite everything I’ve said about me not doing it, I still did it. And now I am filled with regret. It was out of curiosity, I admit. I’ve read about it, heard friends talk about it. And in that moment, that wanting to know how it feels like overpowered what was left of my self-preservation. I gave in, yes. It didn’t matter that the guy I was with was so drunk he could barely take off his clothes. Because all I wanted at that time was to satisfy my curiosity.
The cheap motel didn’t even turn me off. Situated farther from the city, the location makes it seem like the pseudo-visitors are guaranteed privacy. The motel employees don’t give a damn with whoever goes in and out of their sight within their work shift. Eyes closed and lips sealed, that’s how a day goes by in the secluded mid-rise building painted with colors that resemble a guy’s closet – black, white, and the occasional grey.
“So how was it?”, my friend Carla asked me while we were in the park two days after it happened. She could barely contain her excitement as she led me to a nearly chair.
“It was nothing, I felt nothing”, I answered with a blank face, trying to make myself comfortable in the somewhat tiny chair.
“Huh?, her eyebrows forming into an arc.
“What I meant was, it was nothing like what I have read and heard about. You know, the million little hearts floating everywhere, that sort of stuff. It was just nothing, as in nothing.”
“Oh, oookay”, now she’s curious.
I’ve never been good with explanations. I always mess up my words and that always leaves the person am talking to either feeling confused or me feeling guilty, like I’ve been caught lying. And this is one of those instances.
“We did it……..and then it was over”, I could not come up with a good explanation for this.
“Wait, wait, wait, that’s totally BS!” I need details, give me details”, my friend is clearly the snoopy type.
“Okay, we were at a party, had a few drinks, went to a motel, and did some kissing, which led to us doing it. After which, we slept, and that’s it! I finally did it but felt nothing special about it”. Am I reaching you now?
“Just halfway but am somehow getting the picture”, her expression was saying otherwise though.
Carla was trying to study my face if I was lying but I had my poker face to back me up. I didn’t lie to her but didn’t provide all the details either. I left out the part about Martin being drunk while we were doing it. She’s my friend. I’ve known her since high school but she’s got a loose lip sometimes so there’s no way am gonna tell her more than what I have told her already.
“Well, my first time was more on the awkward side, rather than great”, she laughed. “It was a first for both of us so it was understandable”. “But I wouldn’t trade it for anything else”. “After all, I did it with the man I love”, she turned to me with a contented smile on her face.
And that was the problem. I did it but not with the guy I love. It was with a stranger, someone I barely knew, someone I just met.